this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
