I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She announced her abortion via fbk
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
