I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
