remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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