That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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