Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
