I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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