yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
