Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
