the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
