What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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