I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
