I'm laying in your front yard are you home
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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