Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
