singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
