my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize