I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
