Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
