a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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