After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
