Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
