remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize