When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I should be sponsored by Trojan
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
