Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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