I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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