I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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