listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize