I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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