I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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