woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
