My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
