eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
