she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
