I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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