Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
