I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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