so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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