The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm having to shit out rocks
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
