Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
