$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
