Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
