New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
