Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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