I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
