you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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