p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
