She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize