I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
