One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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