I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
