you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
