well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
