I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
