Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
