bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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