wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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