I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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