Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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