when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
