I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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