i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
