Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
