so explain again why im purple
no
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
