Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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