He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
