he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
