i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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