she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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