the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
